The Gym Disaster

Another reason why I don’t like going to the gym: Gym Disasters.

Here are the details from the gym data recorder captured as they unfolded on June 24th 2013:

June 24 6AM: The victim enters the hotel gym located on the basement floor of the hotel. It is a rectangular room blocked off into two sections by a small partition. One section contains cardio equipment and the other contains resistance equipment. The victim begins his warmup. He notices only one other patron in the gym: a middle-age woman on a treadmill. He takes note that she was fit, attractive and sweaty.

6:10AM: Approximately ten minutes later the victim witnesses the woman exit the treadmill and begin to towel off. The victim stated: “The woman looked like she was wrapping up her workout” The victim began doing dumbbell curls to show off his massive biceps in a vain attempt to impress the woman before she left.

6:12AM: The victim witnesses the gym door open and close. The victim states “I saw what looked like the door opening and closing. I thought she was done.” The victim told investigators that he no longer had visual contact with the woman and because he was wearing headphones could not hear her presence.

6:12AM – 6:27AM: For approximately 15 minutes the victim continues his resistance workout listening to loud rock and roll music over his headphones. There was no other contact with the woman.

6:30AM: At approximately 6:30AM the victim’s music player began playing Manfredd Mann’s “Blinded by the light” The victim begins to innocuously hum along.

6:34AM: The victim begins to sing the famous part of the song, this time aloud: “Blinded by the light, wrapped up like a douche in the middle of the night…. Blinded by the…” He gets into full rock and roll mode. He is a gym god playing the dumbbell like it was a golden microphone.

At 6:34AM: The incident occurs. The attractive, sweaty, female suddenly reappears from behind the partition. The victim realizes she had been in the gym all along. Her appearance sends the victim into full cardiac arrest making him drop his weights loudly on the floor. An awkward moment ensues and his only recourse is to pretend he knew she was there all along. He keeps singing even though he doesn’t know the lyrics “Wrapped up like a d… in the middle of the night…” The words come out sounding like a sick dog that had eaten too much Alpo. The victim then notices the woman quickly exit the gym. She is red-faced from embarrassment. The rock and roll workout god has fallen.

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One thought on “The Gym Disaster”

  1. For the record, Mann’s line is “revved up like a duece”, Rock God and also an incredibly appropriate song to sing in any gym while performing biceps curls. I see know true disaster here.

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