Fitness Myths Debunked

I have to agree with this article in that there is so much noise out there when it comes to the do’s and don’ts of staying or getting fit. All experts agree that you have to get your body moving versus staying sedentary. After this, their expert opinions begin to diverge.

I see my role as blogger (and funny man) to pour salt on the self-inflicted wounds of the fitness industry by adding even more chaos into the mix. Thus the genesis of this post. Please allow me to debunk the myths that this article tried to debunk. A double debunking if you will.

1) You must wait an hour after eating to swim. This never had anything to do with cramping or drowning it all boiled down to our moms wanting 10 minutes of relaxation before having to resume kid watching. Cool moms actually let you eat IN the pool.

2) You have to cool down after a workout for best performance. We cool down after a workout because we would like to ease out of things. We cool down because we were previously amped up. We cool down because we are sweating like a pig! We cannot simply morph from being AAAhnold back to our regular selves without at least kissing our biceps in the mirror a few times.

3) You have to stretch before exercise. I always thought this was true but it turns out it is best to stretch while the muscles are warm versus cold. The real rule of stretching is this: Stretching should be done in the privacy of your own home and not in front of people. You know, like that old man we always see doing hip bends at the gym. It is both awkward and disturbing.

4) No pain. No. gain. This is not a myth! We don’t actually inflict ourselves with serious pain while we exercise, at least we never intend to, but if we don’t come out of the gym feeling sore then what the heck did we just do for the last hour??? We like this pain, we want this pain, we want this pain the next day. Pain is good!

5) Protein bars or snacks are good after a workout. The only thing good after a workout besides a good role in the hay is a shower. If I do eat, I go straight to leftover chicken drumsticks. They make me feel like Conan the Barbarian.

6) You need sports drinks to replace electrolytes. Hello? Anyone see my electroyltes I can’t find them! Oh thank you Mr. Overpaid Celebrity Athlete Endorser. Do you think this is a myth? No? I didn’t think so.

7) Lifting heavyweights will make woman bulk up. This is not a myth and bulked up chicks are hotter than chicks bulked up in other ways. Women start banging out the reps! I especially like when you do squats.

8) Sex is great exercise. Who ever came up with this myth must be doing something completely wrong. Perhaps you were the only kid not paying attention in health class. Of all things this article stated this one makes the most sense. Who listens to Marvin Gaye or Barry White while at the gym anyway?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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