Margaret Thatcher bench pressing in Texas

I prefer a home gym for my workouts because A) it is very convenient and B) there is usually only one snobby and pretentious person there (that would be me standing in front of a mirror kissing my biceps). However spending too much time in your home gym makes you complacent. You forget how the rest of the world does it. So it comes to pass that one day I find myself in a real gym not knowing exactly what I was doing and making a jolly old fool out of myself.

I was on a business trip to Dallas, Texas and the hotel I stayed at was connected to a world class physical fitness facility. It had everything you could ever dream of: swimming pools, jogging tracks, boxing rings, cardio machines, weight training gizmos, you name it, they had it. I swear it must have been were the Dallas Cowboys football team worked out. I also think the cheerleaders worked out there too. I was like a kid in a candy store.

When I walked in the place I instantly had to UP my game. The clientele there meant business. I sucked in the gut, stuck out the chest, and spoke with a deep voice. “Howdy y’all!” I was in Texas and had to walk the walk and talk the talk.

I made my way to the weight training facility like a he-man on a mission. Slapped on a few of the big plates and thought: let me bang out a few bench presses to show these Texans how people from New Jersey do it. Hmm.. OK, two forty five pound plates should be easy enough. Wow, this bar is thick…

“One” <Oh this is a lot heavier than I thought> “Two” <I think I can do it…> “Three” <Why did I try a third rep?!> BANG! BOOM! BANG! BOOM!

Yep, you guessed it. The plates on the Olympic bar fell off one after another with a thunderous roar and the entire gym stopped to look at the red faced buffoon who thought he was Ahhhrnold. As they came off, I chirped like an angry Margret Thatcher at a tea party gone bad and the entire place let out a collective giggle. Worst of all who came to my rescue? Yep you guessed it, one of the cheerleaders. She looked as if she weighed 90 pounds but there she was helping me to spot my bar and pick up my weights. You want to talk about embarrassment. I squeaked something like I had an old injury from Nam but I don’t think she bought it. Uh… time to hit the showers…

So let this be a lesson to all those people who workout at home: it is good to stick your nose into a real gym once in awhile. Just don’t overdo it when you get there!

The history of frozen underwear

Spicy food makes an otherwise boring diet exciting yet its consumption comes with consequences. The challenge of eating spicy food without major side affects has been a quest of mankind for centuries. Today, there are many known approaches: ice water, antacids and the practice of wearing frozen underwear.

With the advent of refrigeration it has now been possible to do something about late stage spicy food digestion. It is no longer necessary to squat in an icy river or walk around with a pail full of ice strapped to your backside. This article describes the history of how frozen underwear has come to be and how it has helped improve our quality of life.

Ancient Times:

Ancient Aztec writings tell us that Jalapeños were first consumed during the reign of Montezuma as early as 1000 BC. Apparently Montezuma ordered his Jaguar warriors to eat jalapeños in order to make them stronger. However the practice ended soon after Montezuma lost a battle with the Incas. Later, while plotting his revenge he and his men squatted in the ice cold Xochimlco River. The river got its name from the words “Oh Mi loco” which is Aztec for: “Soothe the great fire from behind.”

In 700 BC The Inuit tribe of Louisiana overdoes it with the cajun rub on their brisket. The tribe heads north to Alaska preferring to relocate over changing their diet. The forced march north is later dubbed “The long, painful toboggan ride.”

In 300 BC, Alexander the Great conquered a Persian army much larger than his own because of the Persian’s lack of mobility. Apparently the Persian Immortals had previously conquered India and were suffering from the after affects of spicy Indian food. Their inability to walk without dragging their backsides along the ground made them easy prey.

Middle Ages:

1450: The first recorded use of a bidet. Marco Polo brought back General Tso’s chicken from China creating what was the first overland Spicy Food Trade route. Europeans have never been the same and required an extra toilet in their bathrooms ever since.

1470: The famous inventor Leonardo di Vinci accidentally creates the first hot tub after putting too much tabasco in his bloody mary. Despite wild interest in the new device the hot tub does not catch on among spicy food eaters.

1812: Napoleon suffered his first major defeat at the battle of Waterloo so named because Napoleon was suffering from post spicy food consumption and needed a loo with water.  He was famously quoted (with a French accent): “J’ai besoin d’une salle de bain avec de l’eau parce que mon derrière est en feu” Which means “I need a bathroom with water because my butt is on fire.” While Napoleon sits and reads the newspaper his armies falter.

1835: Ivan the Terrible protects Russia from invasion by selling blocks of ice to Genghis Khan after he and his men eat too much Korean barbecue.

Modern day:

1935: Hitler stumbles upon the idea of the blitzkrieg after losing a spicy hotdog eating contest to Goebles.

1972: General Electric toys with the idea of plug-in refrigerated underwear as part of its GE Profile line of products.

1975: a big fan of Mexican food, Lee Iaccoca introduces refrigerated seating in its Chrysler vehicles

1989: the fast food chain Taco Bell tests the slogan “Yo quiero un culo caliente!’

2004: Joan Rivers plastic surgeon creates the patented “Pucker Protector”. A discreet device that brings long lasting relief to late stage spicy food digestion.

2013: A hangover from too many El Guapo Calientes sends an avid blogger mad causing him to spend most of the day in the bathroom when the batteries in his Pucker Protector go dead. (Thank you Steve and Barbara!)

Eat a snickers bar! You are not yourself when you are hungry!

I love those Snickers commercials where the cranky dude or dudette needs to eat a snickers bar to transform from a diva to a normal human. Kudos to the writers that came up with the idea and the geniuses that cast the likes of Joe Pesci, Betty White and Aretha Franklin. Isn’t it so true that when you are hungry you just aren’t yourself? And what kind of decisions do you make when you are tired or cranky? Enjoy the video here.

There is nothing wrong with eating a Snickers bar for a quick pick me up. Just remember there are 296 calories in that little 2 ounce bar and they lack nutritional value. Indulging once in awhile is fine but if you make a habit of it your jeans will start to get tight.

If your friends are getting angry with you and you happen to be out of Snickers bars there are some healthier alternatives that will keep you from becoming a diva:

• Apple
• Orange
• Yogurt
• Cheese snack
• Plum
• Grapes
• Strawberrries
• Mixed Nuts

These are natures Snicker bar replacements and it is wise to keep them handy. Try not to find yourself hungry and staring at chocolate and whatever you do: don’t become a diva in front of your friends!

One word: bizarre!

I thought it would be nice to have a photo of an attractive woman doing a yoga pose with the slogan for my book in the background…

So I went to Fiverr.com and found this young lady willing to do it for a fiverr (I love this website!)

You can see from this photo that she is very attractive and doing a fantastic yoga pose. I was thinking something like this would be a great background for my website or blog! Perhaps she will send me a special photo that I could use to help market my book. So I sent in a request…

What she sent me was…

simply…

Bizarre!

Scroll down…

The more I look at this picture the more I giggle…

To the energetic go the spoils

The people who continuously display a high level of energy and enthusiasm are people we all tend to gravitate to.We like people who are bubbling with happiness, confidence and excitement. Why is this? And why do we prefer them over people who are quiet, reserved or humble?

It has to do with how we feel about ourselves and I will argue, a lot to do with our personal energy levels. When we see an energetic person we immediately want that energy to rub off on us. When we see a non-energetic person we perceive them to be an energy vacuum who will suck the energy from us. Before every social engagement our minds try to predict which way the energy balance will tilt and we do this based on the appearance and attitude of those we engage with.

Face it: we are always trying to change people, encourage them to act, encourage them to like us, change them to our way of thinking. We do this continuously with every single social engagement no matter how simple or innocuous. Every time you talk to someone you are trying to impart something onto them. You are trying to entertain them, educate them, enlighten them, make them angry, make them sad, make them feel the way that you do. To do this requires energy and so we make subtle initial calculations to determine how much energy this conversation will require. We ask ourselves “Is it worth the energy?” because we know conversations can be physically demanding sometimes!

People who are quiet or hide in the shadows are sending us a message that they want to stay that way. They want to remain hidden and they do not want to be exposed. If we strike a conversation with these types we run the risk of having our energy sucked from us. The opposite is true when we speak to high energy people. We are either emboldened by them or intimidated by them.

Personal energy greatly affects how you are perceived and in this world those that are perceived to have high energy tend to get the spoils. Those who are perceived to have low energy only attract others with the same low energy.

Here is the scenario to think about: When you see someone with high energy are you attracted to them perhaps wanting to know more about what they are saying or doing? Or are you intimidated by them and therefore shy away from them? Perhaps your mind is saying: “I don’t have the energy to compete in a social engagement with this person.” On the other hand, when you initiate in a conversation with someone chances are you feel confident that you are at least on par with their energy level. If you have low energy you tend to talk to other low energy people. High energy people attract others with similar energy.

Can you see how energy affects peoples success at least in social circles? Next time you find yourself in a social engagement consider asking yourself if you are an energy producer or an energy drainer. Energy producers get much more attention.